So I had to go to the courthouse in order to prove to the county of Douglas that I renewed my license plate tags within ten days of being pulled over for the violation.
I go knowing that the courthouse is somewhere on Farnam St. I find Farnam St., take a left, park my car near this delivery van, ask two women at an outside cafe where's the courthouse, and find out it counter-corner from where I parked.
I get into the courthouse and immediately there's a metal detector. I go through and it beeps and I had no idea what it could be because I hadn't worn these shorts since the previous summer; It just recently got warm enough to wear shorts.
Well I check all my pockets again and find 2 aluminum potato
peelers. That previous summer, while having beers with an old
college buddy we pried the keys off of a computer keyboard to arrange them in Dvorak layout rather than the Qwerty layout in his basement and eventually I had enough beers to forget them in my pockets.
So the security guys say, "You bring potato peelers to a
courthouse?" They pull me off aside, frisk me, and ask me questions, I give him my driver's license, he gets on his headphones to have some guy pull up my record (which I don't have) and I hear the guy on the other end of the headphones saying "Michael Keith Fontenot Jr, yeah, he's clean"
At the same time my phone is ringing and sitting in the plastic tray while of course I cannot get to and the security officers ignore. It just so happens to be one of my crazy friends from Miami, who I often ignore, but his ring-ID is "Conga" by Gloria Estefan, the gayest 1980's song imaginable meant for a good laugh. So everyone in the court entryway is looking at me while in line, I'm being frisked and everyone can hear my really gay ring-tone.
I get out of there and notice that the big building that I had just
parked in front of is the Omaha Center Parking Garage so I try to
hurry so that I wouldn't get a parking ticket from a Parking Enforcer and as I see my car I see a Parking Enforcer's brake lights shut off as he kills the ignition of his car he just parked behind me; He's coming to give me a ticket. I got there in time, apologized and was off to get home safely.
I call my friend Chris back and he only wanted to tell me that he had just let out a really nasty silent fart at work next to a small
congregation of elderly women and he watched as no one said anything
but slowly left the area one by one.
The End
